I love the little decoding icons at the bottom of the pages. I was wondering how many people have decoded all 6 books. Oh and if you Eion (Owen) are reading this I really want you to know that I have read all the books you have in Australia more than 3 times each and I must say that you are a fair dinkum true blue smack-a-rat good author. everytime i read one of your books I drift out of reality and enter the world as the main character of your books
. My favourite book of yours is The Supernaturalists, then it goes Artemis Fowl The Time Paradox.
all of you Arty Fans are fair dinkum beauties
Not yet. But here is book one's... I think:
The prophecies of Ohm, phlegm pot cleaner to Frond, Elfen King. (book1)
I am Ohm, phlegm pot cleaner to the King. But I am much more than that, for I see the future written in the phlegm.
For centuries we pixies have read the phlegm, but I am the best there has ever been. My visions are generally of little importance. I foretell outbreaks of troll pox or gas spasms among elderly dwarves. But sometimes even a poor pot cleaner can see wonderous things.
A vision came to me two moons ago, when I was gazing deep into his majesty's own phlegm pot. I was heating the pot over a flame when the sign appeared.
This vision was more vivid and detailed than any I had previously seen. Because of its importance I decided to write it down for posterity.
And so I can say I told you so.
I saw an age when the People have been driven underground by the Mud Men. This is what the phlegm told me. In this time one shall come among us. Fowl by name and foul by nature. A Mud Man unlike any other. He shall learn our secrets and use them against us.
I see him now as plain as day. His face is pale, he has dark eyes and raven hair. Yet it must be a mistake, for he seems a mere youth. Surely no Mud Boy could outwit the People.
But now I see that the boy is not alone. He is aided by a formidable warrior, scarred from a thousand battles.
This Fowl shall hold the People to ransom for their most precious possession. Gold. And in spite of all our magic there is a chance that he will prevail. For he has discovered how to escape the time-field.
Unfortunately how the story ends I cannot say.
But there was more to see. There is another story to come. Someone will bring he People and Mud Men together. The worst of both races. This fairy's goal is to grind all the creatures of the earth beneath his book.
And who is this traitor? It is not clear. But he shall start a war unlike anything the People have ever seen. Those who were enemies shall be united against him. And for the first time there will be Mud Men below ground.
I have one clue to his identity, a riddle:
Goblins shall rise and Haven shall fall
A villainous elf is behind it all
To find the one who so disappoints
Look ye to where the finger points
Instead of one face this elf has two
Both speak false and none speak true
While publicly he lends a helping hand
His true aim is to seize command
I know. It's not very plain, is it? I don't understand it either. But perhaps in the future all will become clear. Look for a power hungry elf who has a finger pointed at him during our tale.
And so this is Ohm's legacy. A warning that may save the world from destruction. There's not much to work with, I know. The details are a bit sketchy.
My advice to you is to consult the phlegm. It may be that you are sensitive. I have buried this prophecy with my phlegm pot. If you are not fortunate enough to work as a pot cleaner then there is usually a supply of phlegm every time you have a cold.
Here endeth the first prophecy of Ohm. But because of the importance of my visions I shall repeat the prophecies once more. If you have just begun to understand the text, then read on.
If you have worked out the entire message then congratulations. Now go save the world.
(book2) Congratulations human. If you have cracked this code then you are more intelligent than most of your species. This is a message from the fairy People. We are seeking out our allies among he Mud Men.
Though most humans are dullwitted creatures, there are exceptions. You, for example. The reason for your intelligence is that you have fairy ancestors.
Do you feel different from those around you? Are your ears a bit pointier than most? Is your tongue long enough to touch your nose? Do you dream of flying? Have you ever thought that you do not belong among the Mud Men? That is because you have fairy blood in your veins.
So, young Mud Fairy, I have a mission for you. As one of the People it is your duty to protect earth from those who would destory it. You must become one of a new race of Mud Men, who love this planet as much as the fairy folk. There is one simple rule. Use only what you need, and use it wisely. Do this and the earth will survive.
Go now and begin your quest. I shall repeat this message for those humans whose fairy intelligence is buried a bit deeper than yours.
“One of the fairy people’s most popular pastimes is a card game called “Bottoms Up”. This game is almost the direct opposite of the human game, poker.
In “Bottoms Up”, the object is to end up with the least valuable hand possible.
There are four suits “Acorns Toads”; a weird shape known as “Splats” which is thought to be based on the shape a stinkworm would make if it were stepped on by a troll and of course bottoms, which gives the game its name.
Historians tell us that the curved “W” shapes which represent bottoms are actually supposed to represent ocean waves, but gamblers prefer to call them “Bottoms” and now the name has stuck.
If a player realizes that he is in danger of assembling a good hand, which is bad, he must trick his opponents into taking his valuable cards. The most valuable cards are a “Golden Acorn”, a “King Toad”, an “Eight Pointed Splat” and a “Mega Bottom”.
There is also a hologrammed wild card which can be anything the holding player wishes it to be. If you are tricked into taking a wild card then you must get rid of it in the two next rounds or it freezes at its current value.
When playing “Bottoms Up” it is very important to hide any behaviour which might betray nervousness or glee. These behaviours are called “tells.”
An elf’s “tell” is to toy with his pointed ears, or their wings causing a downdraught, which is never a good idea in a card game.
Gnomes eat anything they can reach including insects and pieces of furniture, and dwarfs lose control of their internal gases. Once these gases build up past a certain point it becomes almost impossible to hold them in. So if you see a dwarf with red face it is a good bet that he has a very bad hand.
Which is good!”
Use this:
http://www.stolaf.edu/people/hansonr/translate/gnommish/gnommish.htm